Warrior.

As many of you know, the precious boy that we have worked with for two years passed away at the end of October. It was sudden. It was devastating.

I won't go into how much his soul, his smile, and his family meant to us. I will say that through this experience we have learned a lot about family and about grieving together.
His mother, someone we both admire, expresses herself ever so eloquently on this blog:
The latest post is about how her other son (born two years after Owen) has found support at school...from his teacher and classmates. It is so beautiful that after wiping away tears I had to share it here. Children, in their innocence, can be enormous pillars of strength when given the chance. They amaze me.

At the funeral, I learned something else. I learned that Owen's name meant "warrior".
Of course it did.

I miss you, Owen.

Party time.

Gingerbread lattes...

I have been caffeine-free since the start of October. I don't feel very different, but it feels good to order my gingerbread latte decaf for some reason.
Every winter Mark and I joke about having to budget in warm beverages...we're that bad.
My favourite Second Cup, on King St. East is where we'll toast to the completion of my exams. The last one is tomorrow- and just imagine, I've gone through studying without my old friend caffeine :)

Human.

My prof said this yesterday,
"we don't judge because we're bad people, we judge because we're human."
I have been thinking about it ever since. Why does this sentence bother me so much?
What does it even mean to my prof? To me?

Something called Anti Oppressive practice is emerging in social work. Gosh, I have read about it until my eyes bulged like those funny looking fish.
It is a framework that recognizes the service user (client) is viewed as the expert of their own life. A framework that outlines principles such as being anti-racist, anti-discriminatory, empowering, inclusive, adressing societal barriers and intersecting oppressions and lastly, being non-judgemental. Does this sound too good to be true? Do you think people can ACTUALLY work with strangers like this?

Have you ever noticed how hard it is not to judge someone? It happens so quickly.Too quickly.
Even though I am guilty, it still REALLY bothers me when I hear someone making a negative assumption or judgement about someone they barely know based on a simple fact, gesture or appearance. Even worse, when they have heard something about that person from someone else (not even observing it for themselves).

I don't like feeling judged, and I don't want "being human" to be my excuse for judging someone else.

Just a thought...

The Centre of our Joy.

Yesterday we attended Toronto's annual Santa Claus Parade. It was fantastic. My favourite were the drummers in the marching bands. Thump thump thump...

We sat on the curb of Avenue Road for about 4 hours in total. Sure, the floats were a bit tacky and silly...and of course whenever the Mounties passed by their horses made a big stink. Amidst all the commercialism and Santa-craze the atmosphere was hopeful and thousands of children looked really really happy. My heart was full watching the parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles surrounding me act like...well, like children. *One day I have to write a post about what happens to parents when they become grandparents*.

Mark had never been to a Christmas event like this, and while it was verging on what he'd coin as, 'American', he spent most of the day enjoying the music as well as the free coffee and treats.



We don't mind Santa. He isn't like Satan to us. He doesn't come close to stealing the glory of Christmas in our home, he's simply another character in a lot of Christmas movies and on wrapping paper, etc. Addie won't grow up to worship him or write to him around this time of year, but she certainly likes the 'idea' of him at the moment. Can you blame her?

On November 11th we put our lovely red, white, and silver-themed tree up. I know, I know. Don't even say it. Last week we spent a morning sneakily shopping without Adelaide so that we could start to grab a few pressies for her. We both felt an overwhelming desire to bless her this year. The older she gets, the more fun present-buying is.

Now, I LOVE presents. Gifts are certainly one of my main love languages. I SO enjoy planning them, buying them (Mark is constantly amazed) and of course receiving them, but this year it is all about our Addie. I finally get why my parents had barely any presents under the tree for themselves...

As we continue to get ready for Advent and Christmas - hanging stockings, having people round for yummy things to eat and drink almost every night, and (hopefully) enjoying a bit of snow-we are reminded to unashamedly make Jesus the centre of our joy, our fun, and our gladness.
He IS the good news.
He is our reason to be merry.
He gave us beauty for ashes.
He is our eternal present,
our highest prize.

Look for Him, especially in this season...He is right here in our midst.

Snails eat chicken

Mark loves the smell of playdough. We manage to make most of the things that Adelaide requests. The only thing I didn't even try was Snow White. There was just no way...

We also think she said that she wanted a 'little sister' the other day (as she shows us the baby character from her doll house). Of course that would be the ultimate toy, right?
Oh, Addie...you make us laugh.

Free indeed.

"I don't want to stand still
I just want to freewheel

I don't want to lose this"
Duke Special, Freewheel

I love the freedom in your songs
the way you make anything a tune...
The little things worth singing about
you lunch
your toys
your friends
The noise...is a beautiful sound
a little bit of heaven
a tiny glimpse of wonder
and appreciation for creatures
big and small
A glorious reminder
that we are children
inside
though we forget to sing
sometimes
we are shy
once in a while
And we long to know the freedom
on your lips, little girl.
Every morning
in your heart
all day long

Run, dream, live and sing free,
Adelaide.

Cause' you're free indeed.

Timing.

Mark, Adelaide and I caught a bit of the Mountain Movers conference at church this morning. We were delighted to find that the speaker was a representative of the provincial level of government here in Ontario. He was a soft spoken older gentleman named Mario who had a lot of wisdom to share. I found his insight really encouraging to me at this point in my journey. Here are a few quotes in regards to timing that I couldn't help but jot down on an envelope in my purse,

"Never underestimate the power of preparation. David practiced by killing the lion and the bear before Goliath, and Esther had twelve months to learn how to act appropriately in the courts...Jesus said to his own mother that it was not yet time."

It was just another reminder that we don't have to be in a rush. Everything has its appointed time, and although it is hard to submit to times and seasons of preparation, it pays off.

Wake the dawn...

My sleep pattern this month has been...well, interesting. Adelaide sleeps from 8:30pm-7am. Mark could and would sleep anytime anywhere given the chance. So it is just me. It takes everything within me not to wake Mark up for company...argh!

While it was worrying in the beginning, I now see it simply as a phase that will pass.
I appreciate my spontaneous 2AM baths or 3AM snacks.

I play Scramble, a version of Boggle, on Mark's iTouch or I read my Bible and pray.
It seems that I am growing spiritually in the wee hours of the morning. I feel more awake than ever. This entire month has been altogether sobering.

This Psalm in particular is becoming more of a real anthem in my heart through it all,

"My heart is confident in you, O God;
my heart is confident.
No wonder I can sing your praises!
Wake up, my heart! Wake up, O lyre and harp! I will wake the dawn with my song.
I will thank you, Lord, among all the people.
I will sing your praises among the nations.
For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens.
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.
May your glory shine over all the earth."

We had an awesome weekend in London, Ontario at a posh hotel (thanks mom & dad)fully equipped with hot tub and fancy cheese, so I can't complain. In fact, I am feeling very VERY blessed and refreshed! Very confident that God is for me and not against me...
even in the middle of the night.

Canada's Most Urban University

Check out this article about Ryerson. With my social work placement on the go, I am still glad that I am required to be on campus twice a week (mainly for my research course)...is that nerdy?

Fall Cleaning...

I don't know about you, but I find that the arrival of Fall is very much like the arrival of Spring.
I know that there is much more of an element of new life with Spring; the feeling of emergence from death, a primeval elation from having survived the Winter. But for me, Fall also signifies a milestone.
I've always loved the Autumn, for lots of reasons. Bonfire night was always a favourite with me, and my birthday falls at the end of November. Of course, it also signals the approach of Christmas and winter with all the fun of snow and ice. I know not everyone gets as excited as me and Beth over Winter weather, but hey.

I also find that when Autumn comes, I have a huge desire to get things done. To decorate, renovate, clean things out and generally become more productive. Perhaps it's a part of me left over from my school days, when September indicated a return to an attitude of work. I think for me, more than anything though, it's a feeling of having made it through the Summer. Let's face it - after weeks of mid 30s temperatures, with the humidity taking it up to the mid 40s, nobody in their right mind would be arguing with this cooler weather. So, it's decided. Autumn: it's the new Spring.

Right, I'm off to clean out the basement, paint the house, build a shed and work on the garden. And that's just before I go to work in half an hour. Enjoy the season!

Forgiveness

"Cause we're all guilty of the same things
We think the thoughts whether or not we see them through
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too..."
~Relient K

This is a link to a true story. I just happened upon it as I was clearing out email from my overflowing university email account. One link led me to another led me to another.
Amazing, really.
God speaks to us. He takes time to speak to us in so many different ways.
Today, He is speaking to me about forgiveness and it is weighing heavy on my heart.

Do you need to forgive someone in your life?

Release them, release yourself...replace the bitterness that is aging you with an energetic joy and peace.

Happy Camper

City Hope Summer Camp, 2010

We made it! Six weeks later and not only am I alive, I have many hilarious and many touching stories to tell. Enough for a book.

Our big 'finale' trip to Centre Island is tomorrow, and the forecast couldn't look any better. Thankful is an understatement.

What a crazy, wonderful summer it has been...

Friends.

I am surrounded by so many strong, talented, vibrant, POSITIVE, and nurturing women.
I never have to look far for inspiration or encouragement. Oh, and the occasional kick-in-the-butt. We all need those, too. :)

I'm Yours

Mark has been back home in his native land, England, for a week now.
The primary reason for going to visit his family now was to be the Best Man at Max and Katherine's wedding on July 31st. What an honour. Naturally, he has been tattooing loads there too as people have waited patiently for him to be in the UK so that they could get their work done by Mark.
Adelaide and I have been keeping busy busy busy. Some girlfriends have stayed with us so we have had some yummy food and lots of fun. Yesterday we had a fab time in London with my mom and dad. It's been a good week.
But I miss him like crazy. I heard this playing and wished I had a private jet to see him even a just a little bit sooner...how did we cope with long-distance for two years?!



"...there's no need to complicate, our time is short - this is our fate, I'm yours.."

He arrives from Manchester (where this shaky youtube video was recorded) airport tomorow night at 7:20pm.
Adelaide and I have just blown up balloons and taken the cake out of the oven ;)
We had to get through today somehow!

Blue One

Addie, Grandma and I went on a mission tonight to obtain what is now her very first real pet.

*I say real only because she has an inflatable shark in the bathtub whom she talks to and bathes regularly.*

Mission accomplished. I asked what his name was as they bagged him up in the Safari pet store and her response was a confident (as usual), "Blue One". She was allowed to carry the fish from the van to the steps as I very cautiously guided her and felt a bit sorry for the fish.
This moment was too cute for words! :)

My American Dream

" I want out of this machine, it doesn't feel like freedom.
This ain't my American dream, I want to live and die for bigger things.
I'm tired of fighting for just me,
This ain't my American dream."
-Switchfoot, American Dream

Is it mid-July already? Yikes! This incredibly warm summer is flying by already.
I just wanted to check-in as I won't be blogging much until the end of August. That's right.
I will be busy living one of MY "American Dreams"- hanging out with 6-13 year-olds in St.Jamestown. I know. Loooong story.

It's summer camp. You know, swimming, community art projects like murals, spray-painting, soccer, volleyball, a lot of laughing, storytelling, the boys-chasing-girls, and quality time.
Can you imagine a FREE camp? Imagine that HERE:

'St. James Town is the largest high-rise community in Canada. It consists of 19 high-rise buildings (14 to 32 stories). These massive residential towers were built in the 1960s. Approximately 17,000 people live in the neighbourhood's 19 apartment towers, making it Canada's most densely populated community,^[1] and one of the most densely populated neighbourhoods anywhere in NORTH AMERICA.
St. James Town is one of Toronto's poorest neighbourhoods.

I am so honoured to be directing this project under the banner of non-profit organization,
City Hope. And all of this under an even bigger banner, of course. Under LOVE.
Lots and lots of love for lots and lots of kids.

Ooooooh St.Jamestown, I know you so well and yet you remain a mystery.
You won my heart long, long ago... this will be your best summer yet.
Serving your children is a dream come true!

Little girl 'likes'

We are thinking about what kinds of programs to enroll Addie in this fall. She will be two and a half, attending playgroup with daddy or mummy (depending on the day) most mornings as well as daycare one full day a week. I am a huge fan of teaching children how to swim as it is great exercise and could potentially save their life one day.
We did swimming lessons last year at the JCC. That would be convenient again because it is so close to the ROM - one of her favourite outings at the moment. The only thing is that she REALLY likes to dance...and sing. I am wondering if I should pursue this stream of programs instead? We do lots of this at home (you would bust a gut laughing at some of our moves), but she has SO much energy and creativity that our house cannot contain it!

Some of her major likes at the moment: princess ANYTHING, painting, somersaults, fish, canteloupe, almonds, the train set, climbing up the slide, and friends. Actually, the 'friends' thing kind of took us by surprise. All of a sudden she is pointing at pictures of people (for example, the Smith kids on our fridge) and saying she wants to go to their house to play with them.
Also, when we are at the park she insists that we stay back so she can play with her friends without our interference now. So unbelievably cute.
We just sit there with the other parents... watching her ... still completely besotted.

Fresh air, fresh ideas...

Earth's crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God;
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

When creative time presents itself every now and then, I like to have a plan.

I have decided to experiment with Canadian-inspired concepts for projects like paintings over the summer and will be sure to upload pictures in this space and my website.

Nature refreshed us in Algonquin Park. It was a little bit of heaven.
A couple days later I produced this painting for Mark - 2ftx2ft, multimedia.
I took the feathers-in-paint idea from an Aboriginal artist who has a piece featured in the ROM (forgive me as I must find his name again). The geese feathers were discovered by Adelaide and I on the beach of Lake Of Two Rivers, and we collected the birch bark on a family hike.
The subtle inscription reads,

"when they look back they will see that we covered each other”.

Feathers represent protection to me. The idea I had for this piece is that when the generations after us look back upon the way we lived they will recognize that we covered each other, protected each other, and honoured each other - that although we were imperfect, we did strive to live this way. They'll look back and learn something from our love.

So for the time being we have a little piece of Algonquin on our wall... :D

Bubba

Last year I met an elder in the Aboriginal community for the first time. His name was Albert.

He shared with us a traditional teaching he had first heard around a fire when he was four years old - before residential school. Within the circle, this gentle man shared about his life while generously imparting wisdom. With no agenda and no price he sat there, happy for the company and totally vulnerable. We hung off of his every word. Later, as a group we smudged. He held the burning incense, sweet grass, and we cleansed ourselves from negativity.

I will never forget meeting this man and the teaching about family, relationships, and values.

Here we are today. Both Mark and I took Adelaide to the Parenting and Family Literacy Centre (playgroup) this morning as all of the children were receiving certificates and celebrating the end of term. It was very special. Addie's teacher shed a few tears as she handed out certificates to the children who were graduating into grade 1. Some of these children had grown up right before her eyes every morning from 9-12. She says they're all her babies, too.

One of these children has been coming with his grandmother since he was an infant.

This Macedonian grandmother is a vibrant woman whom all of the children just adore. Addie will sit on her lap for song time every now and then...on the rare occasion that it is empty. Everybody wants a cuddle from, "Bubba". This woman is an elder in our little community that meets across the road. White-haired, with wrinkles around her soft face, wearing a loose-fitting dress and orthopedic shoes...she is altogether beautiful. Every now and then she has given us advice on our vegetable garden, and once hand-knit some traditional Macedonian slippers for our Addie. She sits patiently and completes puzzles with the children. She has lived a long, full life...and is remarkably humble.

There is this part of the Bible called Proverbs. I like to read it because every line gets me thinking. I chew on them like pieces of gum. One part that I can't help visualizing is this bit - referring to Lady Wisdom (in the Message version):
At the town center she makes her speech. In the middle of the traffic she takes her stand. At the busiest corner she calls out: "Simpletons! How long will you wallow in ignorance? Cynics! How long will you feed your cynicism? Idiots! How long will you refuse to learn? About face! I can revise your life. Look, I'm ready to pour out my spirit on you; I'm ready to tell you all I know. As it is, I've called, but you've turned a deaf ear; I've reached out to you, but you've ignored me."

Today, I am interpreting this verse differently. This is where my thoughts collide: I wonder how in my own life I have done this very thing - refused to learn. When have I failed to stop and soak in the wisdom right there available to me, shouting in the street for goodness sakes. It is almost comical! When have I treated someone like Grandpa Simpson instead of like Ghandi? When have I acted like the teacher instead of the student?
Check this out: "Lady Wisdom will be your close friend, and Brother Knowledge your pleasant companion. Good Sense will scout ahead for danger, Insight will keep an eye out for you. They'll keep you from making wrong turns, or following the bad directions Of those who are lost themselves and can't tell a trail from a tumbleweed, These losers who make a game of evil and throw parties to celebrate perversity, Traveling paths that go nowhere, wandering in a maze of detours and dead ends. "

That is why I pray for wisdom everyday. For me it is found in God (Father,Son, and Spirit). And fearing the Lord, or, revering Him is where I position myself to see it grow in my life. Of course there are countless ways in which God has offered me wisdom to me along the way, because He is such a good Father. I'm sure that one of these many ways is through the elders in my life.

My father, my mother, my grandparents, various teachers, mentors and so on.
I find myself asking, "Have I really honoured these people"? Have I stopped to listen to their counsel? Have I put their advice into place? Have I made time to serve them? Have I shown society that they are valuable treasures amongst us? Here comes the sweeping generalization. You ready? It seems as though we have lost sight of our elders and focused our young, trendy, fit and healthy busy-bodies. Our attitude kinda sucks.
*Upon looking at the elder abuse rates in North America for a uni project and contrasting them with those in the Aboriginal community, well, a lot can be learned from the traditions of Canada's First Peoples. *

At 25, I am the first to admit that I want to remain childlike all of my days. Simultaneously, I want to lead the full, rich, abundant life that wisdom and understanding bring. Some of that wisdom God graciously placed all around me in people. And ultimately, aren't we' aiming to have spiritual pearls to pass down to the precious next generations...to Addie... to anyone who will listen?
This means being generous with our lives like Albert, and remaining humble like Bubba.
This means that we must be careful what kind of attitude we are sowing as we are bound to reap it. This means not making fun of the elderly - those people who have been through war and great times of depression. This means purposely including them in areas such as our spiritual communities (including every age of course) and making the statement that, yes,
"we need you."

This means admitting we haven't been through it all quite yet, and really...we have got a lot to learn ;)

The way you love her...

The way you love her leaves me speechless.
Boldly, unconditionally, uncontrollably for her best you strive.
At midnight, or just when Mr.Sun is waking, at noon time, and even golden hour in the evening...
you are Daddy, and you're her friend.
That means playing catchy Wiggles melody,
enforcing a routine 'toothbrushing'.
A bowl of noodles, a lipstick game, muddy puddles,
Shrek and ballet.
All of it is so much better when Daddy is in the room.
Your presence, your voice, your arms, and your grin,
sometimes no one else will do.
The way you love her rocks my world, gives me hope, keeps us close.
One day she'll say it helped her change the world...you'll see :)
It's in her eyes when she looks at you, and the way she says your name.
You're beyond amazing, Mark.

Happy Fathers' Day!

Man In Black

I just made an observation. We listen to a lot of Johnny Cash in our house. Both Mark and I have separately been fascinated with Mr.Cash, even as teens. Mark says that it is because he loves the style of music, his lyrics, and how it is all inextricably linked with Americana. It evokes images of stars and of stripes and a different time. I, too, enjoy the style of music. And heck, I love America. More than that, I like that he played in prisons. If I was a musician I'd like to play for a crowd in prison.
Is that weird?

"Hurt" came on my playlist as I went for a run yesterday, and we listened to my favourite, "The Man In Black" (lyrics below) tonight. Ahhh yes. Maybe we'll even watch Walk The Line again tomorrow.

The Man In Black, by Johnny Cash.

Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright colors on my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.
I wear the black for those who never read,
Or listened to the words that Jesus said,
About the road to happiness through love and charity,
Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,
In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,
But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.

I wear it for the sick and lonely old,
For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,
I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been,
Each week we lose a hundred fine young men.
And, I wear it for the thousands who have died,
Believen' that the Lord was on their side,
I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died,
Believen' that we all were on their side.

Well, there's things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin' everywhere you go,
But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You'll never see me wear a suit of white. Ah,
I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything's OK,
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.

"I will only believe..."

This made me smile.

Good ol' bathroom walls...

Time well spent.

Experimenting with lights and switches in the play room, Dec 2009.

I started thinking about this post at Sick Kids Hospital, waiting for one of the specialists to see Mr.NiceGuy.

Four months later I am finally writing something, however, it's different...not derived from my original inspiration (the hospital experience). Since I am always weary of exposing others I'll be be safe and overly gracious by referring to the boys I work with by nicknames.
Just to put myself at ease...

It has been one year since I started working with 11yr old Mr.NiceGuy and his family as a caregiver/support worker. A month ago I was given the opportunity to work with another boy as well, 16yr old Mr.StarWars, while he is recovering from major hip surgery at Bloorview Kids Rehab.

*That is what I 'do' to help support my family. Interestingly, Mark has far more experience in this area than me. *
So, in both of these environments I rely on sign language (ASL), gesturing, eye contact, and a whole lot of love to communicate. This aspect of my job has has expanded my bubble of reality – changed my way of thinking, and gradually provided new insight...even new desires.

At the moment I only have 25-30 words in my sign 'vocabulary'. Other than that I spell things out signing with the alphabet, which makes Mr.NiceGuy laugh and makes Mr.StarWars look at me like I'm an idiot. I knew I needed to practice more with Mark and my housemate/amazing friend/teacher, Sallyanne. Especially now that Adelaide is catching on...she knows and uses about 5 or 6 signs without being prompted. Thing is, I didn't really make time to practice until recently. I met a few more beautiful children at Bloorview, during lunch hour. It was beyond frustrating that I could not talk to them. I almost felt like I was rejecting them ...somehow.
I hate having barriers in the way of communication. Sure, everyone does. It just pushes my buttons, because I so long to relate to people. In Toronto you kind of learn to live with it as there is always always someone at the bus stop or the grocery store who doesn't speak a word of English. It is the nature of this city, right?

I didn't grow up with anyone in the deaf community. Did you? I am embarrassed to say how shocked I was when in a book I was reading provided statistics about deaf populations around the world. The sheer number of people with severe hearing impediments was new to me. Learning that two thirds of these people live in the Third World and reading some personal stories left me really wanting to know more...it left me wondering how to engage with this community here in Toronto more.

I only just realized how much time I have spent with Mr.NiceGuy. I have seen more of him this past year than most, if not all of my friends, really. Sure, I am getting paid...but still. There is commitment and connection there, you know?

And now the seasons have come full circle. We are back to where we started – the bright beginnings of summer. It is exciting as the heat makes a lot of outings more accessible, changing and freshening up our general routine. The Science Centre, movie theatre, and mall will all continue to be good air-conditioned plans, while Centre Island, Riverdale Farm, and the wading pool at the local park will be great locations to catch the sun and see one of his favourite species...dogs. It is also exciting, having gone through the winter pushing his chair through the snow or coping with staying indoors all day whilst keeping him entertained and essentially, alive. What a bizzarre sense of accomplishment...

One year later and I feel (slightly) more prepared for the unkown, more spontaneous/flexible, more comfortable as a caregiver, and more able to actually 'help' in my role.Finally, I think...well, I hope that I am more aware of the many societal barriers that children with disabilities (and their families) deal with everyday...fall, winter, spring and summer alike. I mean, I had an idea before, but now having been in situations (subways in rush hour, outdoor pools full of other kids and families, etc), and having been STARED at aaaaaaaall the time in public (especially whilst administering meds and stuff like that). Could I be starting to “get it”?

Although I am emerging from this year with not as much sign language as I would have wanted, I have a much stronger desire to learn than at the start. This is partly because my understanding and idea of communication has been transformed, partly because I am meeting children with severe and multiple special needs a lot more now, too.

But mostly because my love for these guys has grown.

Rewind, reflect.

Mark, Adelaide and the adorable 'playgroup' spent the entire day gallavanting at the Toronto Zoo. They took a yellow school bus and all. I was only mildly jealous until I saw their pictures of the snow leopards - my favourite.

Where was I? I was at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre, feeling like a sardine in the midst of countless students and an odd amount of security, if I do say so, to write my final exam of the semester. Satisfaction achieved.

Finishing this year off was actually worth missing a packed lunch in front of the hippos.

So I wrote down somewhat of an academic reflection. Looking back over the last three years spent studying, learning and practicing social work at good ol' Ryerson, and let's not forget my short yet successful year at OCAD, I am quite pleased with how much has been accomplished on this journey of mine/ours.

Here is a run down of the courses I have invested time and heart into.

Art History
Liberal Studies: The Essay and the Argument
Drawing
Colour Exploration
Form and Structure
Time-Based Media

Foundations of Social Work P1
Foundations of Social Work P2
Canadian Politics and Government P1
Canadian Politics and Government P2
History of the Caribbean
Canadian Criminal Justice
Local Government in Canada
Psychology P1
Psychology P2
Sociology P1
Sociology P2
Social Welfare Policy and Programs P1
Social Welfare Policy and Programs P2
Power, Resistance and Change
Social Work Theories
Aboriginal Approaches to Social Work~*wrote a letter of commendation for my amazing prof*
Transformative Social Work Practice P1
Transformative Social Work Practice P2~*wrote a letter of commendation for my amazing prof*

Only 930 hrs of placement to go, an enormous amount of daunting research and a few bits-and-bobs courses to complete my degree. Honestly, I cannot describe how immensely grateful I am to be a student...amongst my other fabulous roles (wife&mommy kinda tops the list!). I like school. I just get it. Sometimes feel as though I popped into this world writing an essay. Or maybe my name was the result of some multiple choice answer I filled out in the womb. Hmmm, this sounds strangely possible considering how much I dislike being unproductive...

Anyway, in one week we are off to Disneyland with our English family to have some fun and enjoy the rare treat of being together. Mark usually gets me a little pressie (or two) when I am done exams, but he didn't have to this year as seeing Addie giggle in Mickey Mouse ears will be the ultimate treat :)

Just another Switchfoot song ...

The sky is the bluest of blues, I am working on a Psych paper for uni, I am sipping tea and this is what is playing in the background...have a lovely day whoever you are!


Always

This is the start
This is your heart
This is the day you were born
This is the sun
These are your lungs
This is the day you were born

And I am always yours

These are the scars
Deep in your heart
This is the place you were born
This is the hole
Where most of your soul
Comes ripping out
From the places you’ve been torn

And it is always yours
But I am always yours

Hallelujah!
I’m caving in
Hallelujah!
I’m in love again
Hallelujah!
I’m a wretched man
Hallelujah!
Every breath is a second chance

And it is always yours
And I am always yours

More than meets the eye...

Ah, here we are - Mark and I.
*When he gave me the mini Optimus Prime as a stocking stuffer while we were dating I melted *. So, it turns out all these years later we DO have superpowers.

Adelaide has strep throat which isn't a fun thing to add to the mix, however, our cuddles fix EVERYTHING. Yes, everything.
We make it better. It's amazing.

Being a mummy is not for the faint-hearted, but some days it gives you the confidence to scale any wall.

For Addie, we're superheros - we're the safest place on earth.

Thoughts from the pool...

This morning we woke up to the terrible news that Chile had experienced a horrific earthquake.
We sat in our hotel room, watching the news and untouched by the disaster.
Even now we are praying for Chile and always for Haiti.
Our third anniversary is tomorrow. We are thrilled as you can imagine and have had such a lush time together celebrating. Below are some flowing thoughts from the romantic pool we had all to ourselves :) . They may not resonate with you, but I hope you feel some of the peace oozing out of them. We find ourselves surprisingly and overwhelmingly thankful today...I had to post.


Breathing calmly, undisturbed. I'm horizontal... just floating. Listening to the water supporting me, and looking up into the deep, endless, navy sky.
Intentionally savouring the moment ... the next one, the next one. Separating thoughts and hitting 'pause'. I picture my husband, I picture my daughter. Uncontrollably, my heart reaches outside this earth, it penetrates the navy sky. Frantically finding heaven it cries, "thank you".

Like a helpless little baby or a lover at a loss for words.

"Thank you for this life."

How come I get to be so...free? How come I was given choice? Why do I get to enjoy my family while others have lost theirs? Why has tragedy not come and knocked down my door?

Why is love all around ME? How come I am never without hope? What did I do to deserve laughter, rest, comfort?

My hands, my arms are moving without me thinking - they help me float so to be still inside.
Searching myself, acknowledging my different roles. There is an abundance of peace and understanding. I know these things, they are mine ... more real than feelings, pure as gold.

I look outside and there is snow. I think about all the things I REALLY like, everything that makes me smile. All of them, within reach ... I am focused on the life they bring.
It is our wedding anniversary, but until Mark joins me here, alone as I float I feel connected.
To the water, to the sky, to God, to my husband, to my daughter, to myself, to our life unfolding and unwritten. Savouring the moment, savouring myself. I am beautifully content and could die happily here floating ... as the navy gets thicker and as God gets closer.
I am carried, just floating. Holding on to the strength that will be with me in any hardship yet to come...I whisper, "love, love, love".

Explosively and without words it soars, "thank you for this life."

To A Kiss

By Robert Burns


Humid seal of soft affections,
Tend'rest pledge of future bliss,
Dearest tie of young connections,
Love's first snow-drop, virgin kiss.


Speaking silence, dumb confession,
Passion's birth, and infants' play,
Dove-like fondness, chaste concession,
Glowing dawn of brighter day.


Sorrowing joy, adieu's last action,
Ling'ring lips, -- no more to join!
What words can ever speak affection
Thrilling and sincere as thine!



I love this poem...

Tonight we ate, drank, danced and were merry in honour of the great romantic and Scottish Nationalist, Robbie Burns. It was a jolly-good time and even topped last year's celebration. Robbie Burns' Day is officially on the 25th (my sister shares his birthday), but we celebrated tonight at the Royal Canadian Legion Branch 31. As my grandfather served in WW2 and is a member of branch 75, we decided the beer is cheap and the company is gold - sooooooo we applied as his grandchildren to become members ourselves. Oooo, they have darts, and snooker although I'm not to keen on that one.

Here's to many more memorable nights at the legion! CHEERS!

Commissioned

Well, 2010, you're off to a good start. Still, I can't believe it is the 12th day into this new year already. Only next month we will be celebrating our little girl's second birthday, and our third wedding anniversary. Winter won't relent for some time, though. It always takes longer than I expect to see flowers in people's gardens.

The new year has ushered in some new opportunities. I am thrilled to be working on not one but TWO commissioned paintings this week. One is for close friends in England, and the other for some friends right here in Toronto - well, down at Harbourfront to be exact. I always feel like I'm on holiday down there by the lake, don't you?

Although I love painting for fun and feel as though my artwork is always meaningful/purposed, it is refreshing to be given some guidance and boundaries along the way. Feels a little like when I was at OCAD, but without the critiques and grades. Deadlines are my friend :)

So, I thought I'd stop to pass on this update as I am googling images to inspire me while Addie sleeps - this will be my first time creating a representation of poppies on canvas.
2010 will be a year of many things, and creative adventure seems to be one of them!

Seeing the Invisible

Check out this proposed bill which is likely to be passed in France:
Psychological Violence
Do you think this will, in fact, help to stop physical violence against women in the home?